I’m so weak!
Today was a great day to take off. I love Sundays, but I often don’t care for Mondays. I usually feel exhausted from the intensity of our Sunday schedule. A typical Monday is filled with meetings: worship planning, staff prayer meeting, and an afternoon meeting with a pastor. Because of Presidents Day the office was closed. Yes, Lord! The weather was awesome. It felt more like a spring day instead of winter. I started my day with a 3 mile run with a good friend. I visited Pastor Juan (he was hit hard on Sunday with a viral infection that dehydrated him) and Ms. Ellen Dodd in Mary Washington Hospital. Next, I ran Hannah to the doctor, and then I spent the afternoon reading and playing Wii with Hannah.
In being transparent before you, I must confess that today was a very telling day of LENT. LENT has created some great conversations with my kids. We have talked openly about being willing to give something up to focus more on God. Through these days I have warned that LENT can show us our greater need for Jesus as well as uncover some of the ugliness that lives in our heart.
I was taking Hannah to dance class this afternoon, only to discover that Hannah had left the window down on my car from earlier trip to the doctor. It was so beautiful this morning, but it rained all afternoon while we were inside. When we discovered it she exclaimed, “Oops!” and then she ran back into the house to get a towel. As she attempted to dry my soaked car, I could feel my frustration boiling within. I barked at her to get in the car so I could drive her to dance (It was a long quiet 3 mile drive). ”Sorry” she said again as she got out of the car. As I drove home, I began to search my heart of why something like this could trigger so much in me. Here I am in LENT, drawing close to Jesus to feast on Him and then God gives me good look at my heart. I feel so weak. Why would I cash in a great relaxing day for a car with wet seats and wet carpet. What is still broken? Pray for me, and I will pray for you.
“That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecution, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:10
Posted in Lent 2008
February 21st, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Pastor …a few words of encouragement for you. A window accidently left down during a rainy day, a door left open and a pet gets out that has to be chased down, a broken item resulting from a loose grip, a plant knocked over by rambunctious play and countless other accidental mishaps are just that…accidental.
Part of being human includes our decision on how we respond in these types of situations. We all have not responded as we always should have in these situations…you are not alone.
In reality and retrospect, we normally realize that in the grand scheme of life these innocent accidents really do not amount to much at all. Cars dry, dishes can be replaced, plants recover, dirt is cleaned up.
A mark of a good heart is to see that an opportunity to forgive while initally may have been missed however, it is never too late to forgive another. The truth of the matter is that when we do not react in a way that is forgiving…we are thinking about how an event affects us rather than seeing how that event (accident) affected the one who caused it.
The challenge is realizing that stuff is just that…stuff. Family and friends can not be replaced. Be of good heart, as there is strength in being able to forgive. When we over react we simply need to do the right thing and move on.
Being a dad is hard sometimes even on good days. The true test is wheather or not we are able to apologize for our over reactions. One thing is for sure…we will all have opportunities to react to situations in the future that irritate us. “Broken” no…human yes. Blessings to you.
February 22nd, 2008 at 3:28 pm
Pastor Todd,
I think the point is that we are human and unable to be Christ like without relying on Christ. We are not perfect, nor will we ever be-only He is! Our children, as they age realize this. We all make mistakes. When our children are small we can make excuses and they will love us unconditionally. However, as they get older and have more experience, it is impossible to gloss over our imperfections. This hurts as it leave us vulnerable to the people that depend on us most. I think God uses these teaching moments for His glory, for He uses the weak to lead the strong. We all learn more from our mistakes and so by taking the time to apologize and make things right, you will build a stronger realationship and show Christ’s love in action. This I believe will impact your relationship even more greatly than a perfect Wii day! Take heart, be strong and fight on!
Heidi
February 24th, 2008 at 11:07 pm
I think that, often, we look back at things with guilt and kick ourselves. As you noticed, when that happens, we taint the memory of the good that surrounds the “bad” mistake here and there. Yes, we’ve all been there, as all have sinned.
Perhaps, we could recontextualize it in our view. It can become an opportunity. An opportunity to return in humility and seek the forgiveness and restoration. It becomes an opportunity to also forgive ourselves instead of beating ourselves over it - Mark 12:31 can be read as not only to extend love and forgiveness to others, but not to forget to extend it also to ourselves (”as” meaning equal). Perhaps Christ would prefer that we seek the restoration, with others we’ve hurt and with ourselves within, so that we may remember the Wii instead? As she is sure to forgive you, I’m sure you’ll also come to forgive yourself!
Just a thought from a fellow imperfect parent!
February 25th, 2008 at 7:30 am
I admire you for your dignity and I love you for your transparency. Hannah’s Dad does not have easy shoes to fill, Pastor. He’s got so many eyes on him and he has to produce! And yet, Hannah needs him. She needs his love and attention. But he’s got hundreds of others pulling him in hundreds of directions. Go easy on him, Pastor. He’s got a lot on his plate.
What is still broken? How can you forgive her for doing it and not forgive yourself for getting upset about it? You know that people are more important than things. As long as Hannah knows that, why lament about it?
Veggie Tales comes to mind, “Can you forgive us for not forgiving you?”
Pastors aren’t perfect Christians and pastors who are fathers aren’t perfect fathers either. I don’t think God wants us to play perfectionist with what He’s given us. He just wants good stewardship.
Lots of love and prayers are (and have been) headed your way!