This past Thursday, I planned to attend a one day church leader event called Whiteboard in Reston.  I was looking forward to attending this one day event with some of our staff.  It was a great line-up of pastors who God is using in innovative ways.  Last week we confirmed this event with several of our pastors.  I was so pumped!  I was wondering who I might meet or what inspirational truth I might hear.

Then I came home that evening, and Sydney shared that same Thursday, she wanted me to go with her on her 2nd grade field trip to the Natural History Museum in Washington DC.  Putting the dates together in my head, I told her that there was no way I could go since I had a prior commitment.  At that moment those big blue eyes began to fill with tears.  I hugged her and assured her I would attend the next field trip.  There will be more.  I promise!  Then my wife Pam gave me that look.  (You know the look, the one that says we have heard this before.  Why is it, that getting that look from my wife is the last thing I want when I am wrestling with my own self-centeredness!?!?) 

That next day in my time with God, I knew I wasn’t off the hook.  I began to rationalize and even argue with God that I could not miss that opportunity to maybe connect with some of these leading pastors.  I kept playing this scenerio over and over during the next several days.  I just knew if there had to be a way to do both.  I hate to admit this, but I tend to behave as if my decisions, or my opportunties are most important.  It’s not like I don’t make soccer games & practices, dance recitals, choir concerts, or special events.  I am there for my kids, right?  I knew what I needed to do but I kept fighting.  I just cannot miss that conference!  I deserve this opportunity!  I just really, really want to go to that conference.  There will be more field trips.  Besides, I have been to the Natural History Museum before, even with Sydney!     

Thursday morning, I loaded a charter bus with Sydney to head to DC with the rest of the Winding Creek 2nd graders.  I am not trying to guilt every parent who has said “no” to a field trip with your kid, but for me I knew it was a battle of selfishness.  I knew the real truth is there will always be more conferences and more great ideas to be shared, but there was only one Sydney and one 2nd grade field trip.  Self deception is so easy.  I find the more I can play my version of the story, the more believable it becomes to me.  What is harder to admit is that much of my busyness is self induced.  I am not saying my job doesn’t require some long hours, because it does (at times).  What I have really discovered is that I am addicted to achievement!  I crave recognition!  I desire praise!  It just seems easier to gain attention and affirmation from what I do at work than at some of the tedious tasks of home.  What I realized that I was making a choice.  I wanted to turn this moment into a have to, but deep down I knew this wasn’t one of those moments.

Sydney held my hand as we walked through the museum.  It humbled me in how proud she was of me.  I believe God has given me the greatest role in shaping the heart and faith of my kids, it is overwhelming when I discover my kids are shaping me too.  Later that night I found myself asking God to forgive me for almost trading away this once in life time experience of walking with Sydney.  Thank God for second chances.